Notes from Coaching sessions with Kevin Hall & Dave Blanchard – Session #2 11/8/2011 EMPATHY & WALLS OF RESISTANCE
As I enter into the 2nd session I have already gone back and listened to “The Greatest Salesman in the World” by Og Mandino. I heard things I did not hear the first time I listened to it. I am seeing a common value and quality among great people – serving. And to serve it is critical that we relate and to relate the Walls need to come down and that is accomplished by “Walking in the other person’s shoes”. When we are in this place – a safe place for others we will then begin the serving opportunity.
Intentional Creation – we plan the steps – the Journey – not the arrival
Empathy EM = the path PATHY = of another
When we can do that – get into someone else world. It is:
The Greatest Secret of Success
The word Love – Agape Love is the highest level of awareness.
Without this we are peddlers in the marketplace.
1. Everyone has a wall of resistance.
- In a non-adversarial relationship they will hold back 40% of their participation until they feel value or they feel affirmed.
- In the business world – this wall of resistance could be as high as 70-80% being held back until they feel personal value or worth
- In our excitement and enthusiasm we throw up all over the wall and get rejectioni. Only weak customers and people succumb to the sledge hammers
- step into someone else’s world
2. The Greatest Secret – we carry around a sack of failures, regrets – this sack is full and has no room for dreams. We have to empty the sack
The Question: “Has anyone else suffered a similar wound?” Take this experience and internalize it, mount it on your heart.
- It is from these experiences we create character – own the experience rather than carrying it around with you letting it burden you. This will finally bring an end to this suffering – you can now look at this experience and be positive about it
- the Truth – it takes almost all of your energy to look okay and drag around the sack
- Show up to serve – not by taking but first by serving
3. “Empathy is to the heart what air is To the body” – walking the path of another
- Walk into a room saying: “There you are”
- Walk into a room and be interested – not trying to be Interesting
- Be an empathetic listener – we choose to engage in life
- The goal is for someone to feel understood
- Start looking for the good in others – what is important to them
- Notice what people are saying and say something about it – become aware
4. Go from noticing to caring
- Watch for a door to open – there are hints
- When the hints are given / restrain and listen more, don’t try to respond:
- “Tell me more”.
- “Share with me what…”.
5. On first visit – leave your bag of goods at the door.Do not be one of those people that listens to respond. Most of these people jump in as soon as the person is finished – lean in:
- “I,m listening”
- ” You mentioned something about… “. This helps bring a safe place into the relationship”
- Don’t talk about your story – stay in their world – don’t shortcut the process
- When they fell you understand – you will both be in a safe place
6. Objections– we want to Answer them and Handle them. An objection is for the most part a statement so we need to follow with a question, not a statement
- Our greatest gift is listening and creating a feeling they are safe and understood.
- Regarding our product – your timing is now more important than ever, we ask if we can share. If you go from “Share with me your experience” and then you start to babble – instead of truly putting yourself in their position / see & feel as they feel, walk in their path you have now jumped right back over to your side of the fence. If you hold off and stay on their side it opens the whole world for you.
- We spend way Too much time on features – the Top salespeople focus on benefits because they have been listening
- Take the focus off of you and focus on your rarest gift – listening and getting on there path
- The greatest results come when we leave others better
- They must felt understood
7. The rules have changed and these are the new rules
- The techniques of rapport are way down the scale for skills, we must connect to serve and success will follow
- Listen – silence is your friend. Avoid jumping in at the first sound of silence and telling your story